The Ramblings of a Mad Man

Life as the 3 of Us

I want to know why as soon as my daughter gets upset and starts crying, she starts apologizing saying that it is all her fault. What the FUCK has my future ex-wife been saying to her? This isn’t something a 7 year old comes up with on her own, it is a learned behavior. Some days, I would very much like to have a discussion with her mother and find out just what the hell she has been doing. And then I would like to have her tossed into shark infested waters. I am not very pleased with her.

She has taken to calling about three times a day. Leaving the loveliest messages. 😐 Sarcasm. Hope you sensed that. Her latest said, “Once again, I have called to talk to MY children, and once again you will not let me.” Well, perhaps I should apologize for protecting myself from her liar’s nature. She has already filed one false police report claiming I violated her protective order, which I hadn’t even been served with yet. So, sue me for protecting my children and my own ass by not answering the phone for a child abusing, lying, manipulative, thieving, kidnapping skank that I want nothing to do with. As soon as there is an order in place saying that she has a right to contact them, or she drops her bullshit restraining order, the kids would love to talk to her.

I was on the phone with a close friend earlier, heading home with the kids in the car, when Dave just says out of no where, “Daddy, I love you, but I don’t like Mommy.” I told him that wasn’t very nice, she is his mother and loves him very much. He didn’t say anything for a minute and then just said, “I don’t want to stay with Mommy, I want to stay with you.” I have my earbud in, since the state of NC is a hands free state, and my friend asked me if he really said what she thought he did. I was a little shocked and told her yes, he had really just said that.

Anyway, I picked the kids up from their sitter’s house at about 1030 hrs EST. I had to reschedule their doc’s appts last week on account of being stuck in court. They were back to back with the same doc. They were well behaved and I didn’t have any problems out of them what so ever. They both were very polite and courteous to both the nurse and the doctor. I had the doctor put in a referral for Rose to get seen at Duke Children’s by the Hematology/Oncology department. I don’t know when the last time she was seen for her maintenance phase of her leukemia protocol, so I figured it would be best that we get in there as soon as possible. The doc was very obliging in my wish there.

After their physicals, we went to the referrals office and got Rose’s referral pushed through to the insurance. Then we walked across the clinic to Immunizations. Let me tell you, my kids know EXACTLY what goes on there. They both burst into tears and started begging me to not make them get shots. I had them sit down and walked over to the counter to ask for copies of their shot records from the nurse. She called me back to the computer, and I started to bring the kids with me, but they just turned up the volume on their terror. Poor things. The nurse suggested I leave them sitting in the chairs while she talked to me about their records. I was about 30 feet away from them and making faces at them the whole time she talked to me. The nurse probably thought I was crazy. Well, nothing to argue about there. Lol. Dave was up to date, but of course Rose having had an immunodeficiency causing cancer, she is way behind on shots for her age. I told the nurse I would discuss it with the docs at Duke when we get up there and if she is capable of getting anymore vaccines, I will have them give it to her there.

As we were leaving the clinic, I got a panicked message from my supervisor about a tasking that he deemed to be of great importance and priority. Personally, I think it could have waited until I had taken my children to lunch. We ended up heading back to my office and the kids sat taking turns playing Angry Birds on my iPhone while I typed up a tasking memo. Silly people. My supervisor is a nice guy, and he will give me what time I need to handle my personal affairs, but he does not multitask or delegate authority well. Give him one task and the time to do it and he will very well. The problem with our job is, it is never going to be just one task and most of the time, we are playing react to contact with new things flying in from the good idea fairies.

Anyway, the kids and I had a great weekend. On Saturday, we went to a place called Monkey Joe’s here in Fayetteville. It is a big, indoor playground that is filled with inflatable slides and bouncy houses. Kat, the kids’ sitter and my friend, joined us with her son. All three kids had a great time running around and bouncing. After that, Rose, Dave and I headed for home to enjoy some quality time in the pool. That has to be their favorite thing about our apartment.

Once we were done with the pool, they took an hour nap and then we headed out to a cook out that we were invited to. The kids enjoyed just being kids. Running around the yard playing. I love to watch them have fun and most of the time will join in with them. I have missed out on so much time with them that I am trying to at least make up for it in some way. We got home around 2100 hrs EST. I was feeling the day and I know the kids were too. No sooner had they gotten baths and into their PJs, they were ready for prayers and night night kisses. They were out within 20 minutes of being home. I’ll admit, I was out within 25 minutes. They are good at wearing out daddy too.

Sunday we went to church. I am trying out a new way of doing the A-Team to make sure that I am close to the kids at all times. I started out doing usher duty in the sanctuary. That way I could stand near the kids and still pitch in with ushering people to seats, passing out the elements of communion and offering. I still cannot bring myself to take communion or make an offering. It is written, but I’ll paraphrase, that of you hold a grudge against someone, you should leave your offering on the altar and go make amends. That way you can make your offering with a pure heart. Dear reader, I just can’t forgive her for the things she has done yet. I don’t know when I will be able to. Hopefully someday soon.

Since it was the first Sunday of the month, we will normally do things like dedicating children and praying in or out military families. I felt it was important to rededicate the kids back to God and let Him guide me in their raising. One of the elders, and a good friend, started the prayer. He knows the whole situation and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Thank You Father for allowing Chris to be able to stand up here with his children.” Just writing that brought tears to my eyes. My friend knows the hell I have been through in fighting for them and their safety. It was a rather poignant moment, to say the least.

Anyway, dear reader, it is a quarter till midnight. I am feeling the day. I am worn out and have to get up at 0430 EST to get the kids to their sitter’s house and get myself to work. Tomorrow should be another fun filled day in 1 Panther. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on that tomorrow.

Good night, God bless. I hope we all find peace in the morning.

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4 responses

  1. Please don’t mistake my openness as caring about what your opinions are as to my content. if you think the subject matter is uncomfortable, feel free to go read about puppies and kittens. This is life, unabridged and unadulterated. Perhaps you should remove your rose colored goggles and wake up to the real world.

    Now, if you or your children have faced similar circumstances and you have constructive advice on how to help and heal, feel free to speak up. My children are my only focus, and healing them from the harm that has been caused them by their mother is my first priority. Otherwise, take your “old fashioned” opinions and keep them to yourself.

    Yes, this is directed at one specific commenter, but if you find yourself winding up for a self-righteous rant on the content of someone’s page, maybe you should go to their About Me page first. Mine plainly states that I write about my life. I am very open about it and am open to useful advice.

    Now, that I have been annoyed first thing in the morning, I am going to PT. Have a great day, bloggers.

    June 5, 2012 at 05:30

  2. how wonderful to get to be with your two wonderful babies! im happy for you! all the pain and difficulty will be worth it in the end! Keep your focus on that and the rest will be but an annoying fly 🙂

    June 5, 2012 at 08:26

  3. Still sending prayers your way my friend! God bless you and your children.

    June 5, 2012 at 14:14

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