Me: He just spent 30 minutes crying before you called. He said he was sad and mad at you. You’ll probably think I’m making this up, so, believe what you want.
M: Its okay. I understand more than you realize. But, everything is gonna be alright. Believe what you want, but itll all come together in time and be alright.
Me: Morgan, I don’t believe anything. I know that our son misses you, that he has been acting out because he misses you. I know that he sat in the backseat as we drove home from his birthday party crying because you weren’t there and you haven’t even sent a birthday card. I know that with the domestic violence police report against you, you will never be their primary guardian again. He is sad. He misses you.
A little back story would help, I suppose. For a while now, and especially since his birthday, Dave has been having behavioral issues. He is mean to his sister, rude to adults and fails to obey in school quite a bit. His therapist says that it is his way of coping. His acting up and acting out is his defiance to the way life has turned out. He is no longer the favorite, he is no longer lavished with attention and allowed to do as he pleases. This does not mean that he is being ignored, or that his sister is treated as a favorite. It means that he actually has a parent that forces him to share attention with his sister. That he is held to a standard that when he fails to meet it, he faces punitive action.
Tonight he finally poured his heart out. He got caught being disrespectful and rude and was instructed to park himself in the corner until he could adjust his attitude. Obviously, this involved a lot of drama and tears from him. When he finally settled down, I called him into the kitchen where I was making dinner, set him on the counter and had a very frank discussion with him. I told him that I wanted to know why he thought it was okay to act this way, what he was mad, upset, or sad about. After some poking and prodding, he broke down into tears and told me that he missed his mother, that he was sad and mad that she hadn’t been there for his birthday. He is a bit perturbed that he hasn’t received anything from her. I can almost agree there. It has been more than two weeks and his mother hasn’t even bothered to send him a birthday card, no matter what her excuses are every time he asks.
Our little boy his hurting. That is plain to see for all that take a look. He is not himself, and a lot has to do with his mother. Honestly, I think she is hopeless at this point. Maybe I am wrong in the way I read her response, but it seems as if she has delusions that she will get them back. Her own actions will prevent that. Shall we make a list?
- She has not visited with our children since the week of Oct 17th, 2o12, the week of our failed custody trial.
- I have attempted to entreat her to schedule a visitation hearing on numerous occasions so that at the very least, our children would get to see there mother. As of this date, no such hearing has been scheduled.
- As of Nov 30, 2012, she was ordered to pay a child support in the amount of $189.00 a month. Want to guess how many child support checks have been received? A whopping total of 1. And it was sent by the state of North Carolina. Any from their mother? Nope. None. Nada. Zilch.
There are several more reasons, but honestly, I’m just not going to go into them right now. I just want to relax, wait until Archer comes on and then go to bed. I will be perfectly happy when the divorce is finalized (hopefully sometime in the very near future) and we have a date for the custody trial. Whatever she has cooked up is going to be a massive failure. Did I mention I have that pain in the ass police report where she was cited for domestic violence and harassment of the guy she left me for? The irony is simply amazing.
Anyway, my dear reader, digital journal, silent confidante, I am going to go for now. I am on the verge of just wanting to crawl in bed and pass out for the night. Some nights are more challenging than others. Tomorrow is another day and we will survive it together. Good night, God bless.
So, we finished the mediation appointment in about 10 minutes. 5 of those minutes was the mediator explaining how the mediation worked and what subject areas we would discuss. And then she opened the floor to how the custody would actually work.
Morgan’s plan was that there was a reversal of the current custody order. She would take primary custodian and I would be secondary. She would allow me summers and every other holiday for the kids to come stay with me. Her reasoning was because of my profession, claiming that I can be called out in the middle of the night, deployments and my airborne status. She claims that she is the only one who has ever really taken care of our children. Funny, I seem to recall everyday when I wasn’t working being the first one up with the kids to actually make them breakfast, take them to church breakfasts, take them fishing or something else. Nope, I never helped with my kids….. Uh huh. Right.
I suppose that my working 80 hours a week when not deployed and then just being gone for anywhere from 30 days to a year for deployments could be misconstrued by someone who has her own views. When I was home, I have always been there for my children. To take care of them, play with them, bathe them, feed them and just spend time with them.
Okay, so obviously, my plan was the complete opposite. In my plan it would remain as it is. I am primary custodian, she is allowed 1 weekend a month, summers and every other year would have all major holidays. If the drive is a concern, then I have no problem with her just remaining in the state with them from Friday evenings to Sunday evenings. She obviously did not like this plan. When asked why I didn’t want the kids living with her, I cited her instability and her DSS record. Those things are enough with me. When she wanted to argue the point, I just informed the mediator that I would prefer to go to trial because this session was pointless with our opposing views. M knew where I stood. Hell, you all knew where I stood. Just look back over previous blog posts to see that.
I refuse to compromise when it comes to Rose and Dave’s safety. The truth is in her own writing. That’s not bashing, that’s pointing out the writing on the blog wall. You guys can decide for yourselves whether or not I am being unreasonable. I would say that I have gone above and beyond trying to get her to agree to a plan that would be good for our children. For now, she has no visitation and the “temporary” custody order will remain in place anywhere from 3-6 months. You’d think that if she really wanted to spend time with them then she would be willing to come to an agreement with the terms I have already stated. It’s all about money for her and for me it’s all about those two little angels.
My life seems like a cross between Jerry Springer and divorce court sometimes. Anyway, time to hang out with the cool ones. Until later, dear reader. Take care.
Starting at about 1830 (EST) every night, a deep dread begins to build. I know that my future ex-psycho is getting ready to call in half an hour. I get a little uptight and wound up knowing that she will be calling to speak to our children. This is a confusing time for them. I always end up having to deal with behavioral issues with them for the next hour after they talk to her. I give the time warnings, “Hey guys, mom will be calling in (30, 15, 10, 5…) minutes.” Normally this draws a fairly negative response from one or both. Yells of “No!” and pouty faces come back at me. I am sure that they are reading my own emotions, no matter how hard I try to hide them. They know I dread these calls. Maybe that is why they do too.
I am trying to make life as stable for them as possible. I do not want to deny them time or contact with their mother. She’s the one who wants to play games and try to harm me in any way possible. I can honestly say that I would do the happy dance if a meteorite happened to land on her head at this moment. It would solve a world of problems and our kids could start fresh.
I find myself taking an introspective look tonight. As I have said before, it is never easy and the results aren’t always pleasant.
I know that I have never been perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I definitely haven’t been the ideal husband, but I always tried to do right by my wife. I find myself dealing with a particular question tonight. Was M always this way? Or did I help create this deceptive, thieving, abusive betrayer? So, yeah, it is on my mind a bit tonight.
Rose had a doctor’s appointment today at Duke. She hasn’t been seen there since February. Everyone remembered her right off the bat. She said hello to the familiar faces that she remembered and played shy with anyone else. The nurse that took her vitals was surprised to see me. I told her the things that had happened and she started shaking her head. She told me, “I told her not to leave the state with these babies.” She said that she had told M that she would lose big time if she did. That and she kept trying to talk her into just waiting and actually trying to work on our marriage, get counseling, etc. She definitely didn’t have a high opinion of M’s little boyfriend, Alex. I can honestly say that I have a little hate for that cock sucker, myself. Given amnesty to do what I wanted, I would hurt him terribly before ending him. There is no doubt of that. Yes, I understand, he isn’t the only one involved, but he is the male. And he and I have been on a deployment together. Two strong bonds broken by betrayal. Yeah, I hate them both right now.
Her social worker came in while we were waiting to see the doctor. When she walked into the room, I could see a look of relief when she saw that I was there and Morgan wasn’t. In my line of work, you get good at reading people’s emotions, expressions, micro-expressions, etc. It is a survival technique. Knowing what someone is about to do based on their body language is important. Anyway, I read her like a large print book with pictures. She and I spoke and she seemed even more relieved when I told her that I was granted custody of the kids. She had made a majority of the reports to DSS in regards to M’s behavior towards Rose and Dave.
Rose had labs done shortly thereafter. She, like her brother, is not a fan of needles and generally gets very loud when she has to give up some blood. Dave sat quietly with his hands over his ears. He just had blood drawn a couple weeks ago. That was a loud experience that involved a lot of tears.
After labs, we saw the doc. She said that Rose’s blood counts were good and that everything looked fine. She had arranged for Rose to get an echo cardiogram to make sure she doesn’t have any issues with scar tissue in her heart. She turned out to not have any problems there either. It was a successful day at the doctor’s office. The kids were fairly well behaved and we didn’t have any issues. While waiting for radiology, Rose ran around with my iPhone taking pictures of stuff. The results were pretty amusing. It is always interesting to see what draws her attention.
When we left the hospital, I wanted to do something different with the kids. I whipped out the trusty “above average intelligence” phone and did a little web surfing. I found something that sounded interesting and off we went. We wound up going to a place called Marbles Kids Museum. They had a great time running around and checking out the interactive exhibits. I didn’t see a lot of rhyme or reason to the place, but the kids enjoyed it. Like any good dad, I busted out the camera and took loads of pictures. The kids smiling and laughing and being completely engaged by the exhibits was good to see.
We ended up leaving when the place was getting a little too crowded and chaotic. Rose and Dave kept trying to run off in opposite directions and I would have to catch one and chase down the other. After telling them multiple times to stay near me and them disobeying, I took them both by the hand and headed for the door. They weren’t terribly happy with dad over that, but they will learn that I am not here for them to walk all over.
We started heading for home, made a stop at McDonald’s for lunch. The kids and I ate our lunch and then I let them play on the play place for a little while. The weather started getting a little off, so we headed home into a rain storm. That’s always a lovely journey.
Anyway, the kids and I have plans for tomorrow and I should probably head to bed soon. I have set the items I will need for tomorrow aside, but I haven’t quite packed them up yet. I want to get up early enough to take care of that before I wake the kids up. We are going to finish this leave with a bang and just have fun.
Take care, dear reader, my cyber confidante. I am sure there will be some shenanigans to report on tomorrow. I don’t think M understands that she has no rights to the kids right now and she is going to try to push that. She is going to lose, but she will try to push it. Did I mention that I have her on tape admitting that her DSS report was false? Well, “on tape” is such an out dated term. I have a digital recording of her admitting that I had not laid a hand on our children, but she made the report because she claimed she felt concern for the kids. Uh huh, because I’m the one with the six inch stack of DSS records against. /:-l Good night, my friends, sleep well, take care. Bye for now.
Well, the kids will be headed back to NC tomorrow. If you are the praying sort, please say a prayer for their safe arrival. I will be picking them up from their mother on Wednesday at 1300hrs (EST). I will be much happier once they are home with me, where they belong. My little blond haired, blue eyed angels have a way of making the world brighter and more fun.
On a more sour note, the future ex-wife decided to call and try to talk me into joint custody. Umm, forgive my lack of sympathy for your plight of being penniless and having to drive our children the 10 hours back to where they belong. I didn’t make you kidnap them and move to Alabama, I didn’t make you betray me, didn’t make you steal from me and I’m pretty sure that you are the one who filed for sole custody in the state of Alabama. Unfortunately for you, the judge saw through your bullshit lies and also realized that the state of Alabama has not jurisdiction over our children or myself.
She likes to claim that I only started trying to get custody after she, quote, “Got my company commander to MAKE me pay child support.” Well, there are a few reasons your theory is wrong. First, I had been sending child support checks since February. I have the proof, it has been shared with my commander and both my lawyers. Second, I was looking for a lawyer long before the end of April. My current lawyer was hired 3 days after her case in Alabama was dismissed for lack of jurisdiction. I have had multiple court dates that had to be continued because she failed to give me the proper address where our children were residing. Most of the checks that she called about were simply delayed because of her cockamamy forwarding system. So, unlike for yourself, Morgan, my fighting for custody has absolutely ZERO reason to do with money. I actually love our children and want them to have a stable home life. They won’t have to wonder who this new replacement for their father is every month or so, they won’t have to worry about up and moving anymore, they won’t have to worry about living in a shitty trailer with no running water. Yeah, I would have to say that our children are better off living with me and merely visiting you.
I am mildly irked by the conversation. I don’t know if she hung up on me or my phone thought it would be a good idea to just cut her off. Either way, it is better that we don’t talk. She can’t have a sane and rational conversation. Her conspiracy theories that Duke Children’s Hospital was harassing her and making a bunch of false reports is a stretch of the imagination. Especially when there is a 6 inch stack of DSS records residing in my lawyer’s office, the judge’s chambers, and my own personal file. Riddle me this, Batman, but do you really think that a children’s hospital is going to make over 15 false reports? Umm, yeah, I didn’t think so either.
I think I am going to call it a night on this train of thought. It has me highly annoyed now and I really want to vent on my thoughts about her behavior and moral character as a mother, wife and human being. Let’s just say my opinion of her character is not quite as good as my description of fecal matter at this moment.
Good night my friends. God bless. Don’t forget to say a prayer for my babies as they make the 10 hours journey from the land of inbreeding back to where they belong. Take care all.
I want to know why as soon as my daughter gets upset and starts crying, she starts apologizing saying that it is all her fault. What the FUCK has my future ex-wife been saying to her? This isn’t something a 7 year old comes up with on her own, it is a learned behavior. Some days, I would very much like to have a discussion with her mother and find out just what the hell she has been doing. And then I would like to have her tossed into shark infested waters. I am not very pleased with her.
She has taken to calling about three times a day. Leaving the loveliest messages. 😐 Sarcasm. Hope you sensed that. Her latest said, “Once again, I have called to talk to MY children, and once again you will not let me.” Well, perhaps I should apologize for protecting myself from her liar’s nature. She has already filed one false police report claiming I violated her protective order, which I hadn’t even been served with yet. So, sue me for protecting my children and my own ass by not answering the phone for a child abusing, lying, manipulative, thieving, kidnapping skank that I want nothing to do with. As soon as there is an order in place saying that she has a right to contact them, or she drops her bullshit restraining order, the kids would love to talk to her.
I was on the phone with a close friend earlier, heading home with the kids in the car, when Dave just says out of no where, “Daddy, I love you, but I don’t like Mommy.” I told him that wasn’t very nice, she is his mother and loves him very much. He didn’t say anything for a minute and then just said, “I don’t want to stay with Mommy, I want to stay with you.” I have my earbud in, since the state of NC is a hands free state, and my friend asked me if he really said what she thought he did. I was a little shocked and told her yes, he had really just said that.
Anyway, I picked the kids up from their sitter’s house at about 1030 hrs EST. I had to reschedule their doc’s appts last week on account of being stuck in court. They were back to back with the same doc. They were well behaved and I didn’t have any problems out of them what so ever. They both were very polite and courteous to both the nurse and the doctor. I had the doctor put in a referral for Rose to get seen at Duke Children’s by the Hematology/Oncology department. I don’t know when the last time she was seen for her maintenance phase of her leukemia protocol, so I figured it would be best that we get in there as soon as possible. The doc was very obliging in my wish there.
After their physicals, we went to the referrals office and got Rose’s referral pushed through to the insurance. Then we walked across the clinic to Immunizations. Let me tell you, my kids know EXACTLY what goes on there. They both burst into tears and started begging me to not make them get shots. I had them sit down and walked over to the counter to ask for copies of their shot records from the nurse. She called me back to the computer, and I started to bring the kids with me, but they just turned up the volume on their terror. Poor things. The nurse suggested I leave them sitting in the chairs while she talked to me about their records. I was about 30 feet away from them and making faces at them the whole time she talked to me. The nurse probably thought I was crazy. Well, nothing to argue about there. Lol. Dave was up to date, but of course Rose having had an immunodeficiency causing cancer, she is way behind on shots for her age. I told the nurse I would discuss it with the docs at Duke when we get up there and if she is capable of getting anymore vaccines, I will have them give it to her there.
As we were leaving the clinic, I got a panicked message from my supervisor about a tasking that he deemed to be of great importance and priority. Personally, I think it could have waited until I had taken my children to lunch. We ended up heading back to my office and the kids sat taking turns playing Angry Birds on my iPhone while I typed up a tasking memo. Silly people. My supervisor is a nice guy, and he will give me what time I need to handle my personal affairs, but he does not multitask or delegate authority well. Give him one task and the time to do it and he will very well. The problem with our job is, it is never going to be just one task and most of the time, we are playing react to contact with new things flying in from the good idea fairies.
Anyway, the kids and I had a great weekend. On Saturday, we went to a place called Monkey Joe’s here in Fayetteville. It is a big, indoor playground that is filled with inflatable slides and bouncy houses. Kat, the kids’ sitter and my friend, joined us with her son. All three kids had a great time running around and bouncing. After that, Rose, Dave and I headed for home to enjoy some quality time in the pool. That has to be their favorite thing about our apartment.
Once we were done with the pool, they took an hour nap and then we headed out to a cook out that we were invited to. The kids enjoyed just being kids. Running around the yard playing. I love to watch them have fun and most of the time will join in with them. I have missed out on so much time with them that I am trying to at least make up for it in some way. We got home around 2100 hrs EST. I was feeling the day and I know the kids were too. No sooner had they gotten baths and into their PJs, they were ready for prayers and night night kisses. They were out within 20 minutes of being home. I’ll admit, I was out within 25 minutes. They are good at wearing out daddy too.
Sunday we went to church. I am trying out a new way of doing the A-Team to make sure that I am close to the kids at all times. I started out doing usher duty in the sanctuary. That way I could stand near the kids and still pitch in with ushering people to seats, passing out the elements of communion and offering. I still cannot bring myself to take communion or make an offering. It is written, but I’ll paraphrase, that of you hold a grudge against someone, you should leave your offering on the altar and go make amends. That way you can make your offering with a pure heart. Dear reader, I just can’t forgive her for the things she has done yet. I don’t know when I will be able to. Hopefully someday soon.
Since it was the first Sunday of the month, we will normally do things like dedicating children and praying in or out military families. I felt it was important to rededicate the kids back to God and let Him guide me in their raising. One of the elders, and a good friend, started the prayer. He knows the whole situation and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Thank You Father for allowing Chris to be able to stand up here with his children.” Just writing that brought tears to my eyes. My friend knows the hell I have been through in fighting for them and their safety. It was a rather poignant moment, to say the least.
Anyway, dear reader, it is a quarter till midnight. I am feeling the day. I am worn out and have to get up at 0430 EST to get the kids to their sitter’s house and get myself to work. Tomorrow should be another fun filled day in 1 Panther. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on that tomorrow.
Good night, God bless. I hope we all find peace in the morning.