Are We Shocked Yet?
So, we finished the mediation appointment in about 10 minutes. 5 of those minutes was the mediator explaining how the mediation worked and what subject areas we would discuss. And then she opened the floor to how the custody would actually work.
Morgan’s plan was that there was a reversal of the current custody order. She would take primary custodian and I would be secondary. She would allow me summers and every other holiday for the kids to come stay with me. Her reasoning was because of my profession, claiming that I can be called out in the middle of the night, deployments and my airborne status. She claims that she is the only one who has ever really taken care of our children. Funny, I seem to recall everyday when I wasn’t working being the first one up with the kids to actually make them breakfast, take them to church breakfasts, take them fishing or something else. Nope, I never helped with my kids….. Uh huh. Right.
I suppose that my working 80 hours a week when not deployed and then just being gone for anywhere from 30 days to a year for deployments could be misconstrued by someone who has her own views. When I was home, I have always been there for my children. To take care of them, play with them, bathe them, feed them and just spend time with them.
Okay, so obviously, my plan was the complete opposite. In my plan it would remain as it is. I am primary custodian, she is allowed 1 weekend a month, summers and every other year would have all major holidays. If the drive is a concern, then I have no problem with her just remaining in the state with them from Friday evenings to Sunday evenings. She obviously did not like this plan. When asked why I didn’t want the kids living with her, I cited her instability and her DSS record. Those things are enough with me. When she wanted to argue the point, I just informed the mediator that I would prefer to go to trial because this session was pointless with our opposing views. M knew where I stood. Hell, you all knew where I stood. Just look back over previous blog posts to see that.
I refuse to compromise when it comes to Rose and Dave’s safety. The truth is in her own writing. That’s not bashing, that’s pointing out the writing on the blog wall. You guys can decide for yourselves whether or not I am being unreasonable. I would say that I have gone above and beyond trying to get her to agree to a plan that would be good for our children. For now, she has no visitation and the “temporary” custody order will remain in place anywhere from 3-6 months. You’d think that if she really wanted to spend time with them then she would be willing to come to an agreement with the terms I have already stated. It’s all about money for her and for me it’s all about those two little angels.
My life seems like a cross between Jerry Springer and divorce court sometimes. Anyway, time to hang out with the cool ones. Until later, dear reader. Take care.
A Week Back in NC
So, where do I start? Life has been interesting over the last week. It has come with its own new and interesting challenges. The first few days were really just the typical 1 Panther shenanigans. Wednesday, the kids traveled back to the state of North Carolina with their mother. I was able to chat with them while they were on their drive. Rose was her usual, bubbly personality. Telling me in her own way about her adventures. I am rather in love with that little lady. Dave was asleep the first time I called. The harridan was kind enough to call back when Dave woke up, mainly because he kept telling her he wanted to talk to his Daddy.
Yesterday morning, after finishing a pretty good PT session, I had headed home to get a shower. I was dressed and heading out the door when M called me and told me that she had found a swollen lymph node in D’s groin while she was drying him off after his shower. Let me give you a little background about our feelings toward swollen lymph nodes. In March of 2008, it was a swollen lymph node in the same location on Rose that led to her being diagnosed with leukemia. Yes, we tend to take them seriously. So, I instructed her to take him to the clinic. I told her I would make an appointment for the earliest time. I made it to the clinic right at 0930 (EST) and made an appoint for 1005. It was the earliest appointment they had and the only one left open for the day.
I walked out to the parking lot and chatted with my best friend on the phone. We talked about what was going on and the possibilities. I told her that this had happened with D once before, in 201o. That time, it just turned out that he had a viral infection. Anyway, M texted, saying that she didn’t think she would be able to make it by 1005. I reminded her that they did not have another appointment available that day and that the next day (today), we were completely loaded down with appointments. I told her I would go ahead and get D checked in and that she should get there as soon as possible. It was only about 5 minutes after I had checked him in, and still 10 minutes prior to his appointment, when M arrived with the kids in tow. As soon as the kids saw me, they came bounding towards me, screaming “Daddy!” in very excited and happy voices. I must say, I was quite happy to see my babies.
We ended up sitting there, waiting for about an hour before we were called back to see the doctor. Now, the entire time we were waiting, the kids are all over me. They are sitting in my lap, leaning on me from the chair next to me, or generally just trying to keep my attention. I would ask them for a hug or a kiss and they would happily and promptly give me one. M would ask for one and they would either ignore her or say no. I am NOT trying to block a relationship between my children and their mother. I am trying to ensure that they have a strong and loving relationship with her. What she does on her time with them will effect what they decide to do. They both kept telling me the whole time we were there that they wanted to go home to our house.
The doc was finally able to see Dave. He checked all of the lymph nodes, finding only the one in Dave’s groin to be swollen. He ordered a CBC blood draw to see what is going on in D’s blood. Now, let me tell you, THAT was an experience from hell. My son, being one of the bravest little boys I have ever known, absolutely hates, I repeat HATES, needles. I went in with him to the lab and had him in my lap for the blood draw. That boy has a very well tuned and strong pair of lungs and vocal cords. He can get loud. He would be crying, saying that he didn’t want a shot and that he wanted his mommy. Well, M came in and asked him if he wanted her to hold him and he shouted no at her and told her he wanted me. He is rather confusing at times. It’s okay, I still love him. When that was finally said and done, it was noon. M technically still had an hour to go with the kids and decided that she wanted to take them to the park. I was tempted to just tell her to hand them off to me then, but in essence of fairness and what is right by the kids, I told her I would just meet her at the park at 1300.
I ran to the shopette, got a drink and something to eat and headed back to work. I never even bothered to get out of the car. I was in the middle of a conversation with my best friend on the phone and didn’t feel like going in to the office. It isn’t like there was anything I wanted to do in there anyway. I am honestly ready for this week to be over with already so that we can go ahead and head down to Florida. It will be the first time in over a year that my kids got to see my family.It is about time that they started to get to know their family. Plus, I plan on taking them to Disney World. I hate crowds, but I am dying to experience Disney with my kids. It should be a lot of fun.
Today was hectic unto itself. It was back to back appointments. At 0730 (EST), Rose had her Exception Family Member Program (To be known from here as EFMP) physical. Her doctor at the clinic had to fill out some paperwork so that I could get her enrollment status updated. EFMP ensures that I will be stationed in locations that have the specialists she needs on hand and nearby. It also assists with special programs that she may need. The Army truly does have some amazing programs to assist with your family members. I am thankful and blessed that I have so many opportunities in providing for my children.
After we got the physical knocked out and put in some referrals for family counseling, I took the kids over to their babysitter’s house. Miss Kat, their babysitter, is an amazing friend and has a great understanding of my situation and my children’s needs. Rose was diagnosed with a mild form of autism back in January. Kat’s own son has something similar, so she knows how to work with Rose and help explain some of her behaviors to me when I just don’t understand. God brings the people you need in your life at the right time. Kat and I have been friends for almost 10 years at this point, so the Big Boss was definitely planning from the beginning for these events.
I got the kids settled in at Miss Kat’s and then headed back to the hospital on post. I went to the EFMP coordinator’s office, filled out some more paperwork and then turned it in to get Rose’s record updated. After that, I had an appointment of my own that I needed to get to at 1100. That lasted for about an hour, When I got finished with that, I ran home and got myself some lunch before I had to go pick the kids up from Kat.
At 1500 (EST), the kids, M, and I had to be at the courthouse for a Parent Education Program and Mediation Orientation Class. The kids went to a children’s support group. There were no parents in there, just a psychiatrist who was there to let the kids say what they wanted, talk about their feelings, etc. The parents remained in the court room, watching a video and hearing lectures on certain aspects of the child custody mediation process. That wrapped up a little after 1700 and then the kids and I headed home, while M went off to where ever it is that she is staying. I honestly don’t care as long as she doesn’t try showing up on my doorstep. I am done with her as a spouse. I don’t want to have contact with her anymore, but I will have to for at least another 13 years or so. She and I set a date for our own mediation appointment. After her trying to call and talk me into shared custody the other night, I foresee this being pointless and us having to take this before a judge.
That kind of sucks because if we could come to an agreement in mediation, then we wouldn’t have to go through the rigamaroll of a trial. C’est la vie, dear reader, such is life. I have a pile of evidence and it will be the same judge that decided I was to be the kids primary guardian. Morgan is going to want to try and fight the custody and visitation agreement that she just agreed to the Friday before Father’s Day. Yeah, that’s right, in order to do what is best for our children, I allowed her to spend time with them when I was not legally obligated to do so, and gave up my right to spend Father’s Day with our children. Well, fuck me, what an asshole I am, right? According to her, yes. Oh well, she is going to believe what she wants and blame me for all of her bad decisions anyway. Sucks for her. She has been found wanting as a wife, mother and human being.
After we got out of that, the kids and I headed home. They asked if they could go swimming when we got home and I was perfectly fine with that idea. Today had been sweltering and they had spent much of it inside at Miss Kat’s house. I was rather looking forward to enjoying a refreshing dip in the pool with my two little amphibious wonders. We had a great time. You guys would have had fun.
For now, I must bid you all adieu. It is 2235 and I am ready to hit the sack. 0430 comes early. Dave has his follow up point in the morning in regards to the results of the CBC, M says that she will be there. I guess she wasn’t quite willing to run off yet after court today. She had no problem trying to cut me out of their lives, but I am going to do what is best for my children. They need a great mother, unfortunately, they are stuck with the one they have. Any volunteers out there want to show her how it is done correctly? lol Just kidding people. Get your panties unbunched. Good night, auf wiedersen, God bless, folks. I hope you all have pleasant dreams and better tomorrows.
Falling Down to Me 