Me: He just spent 30 minutes crying before you called. He said he was sad and mad at you. You’ll probably think I’m making this up, so, believe what you want.
M: Its okay. I understand more than you realize. But, everything is gonna be alright. Believe what you want, but itll all come together in time and be alright.
Me: Morgan, I don’t believe anything. I know that our son misses you, that he has been acting out because he misses you. I know that he sat in the backseat as we drove home from his birthday party crying because you weren’t there and you haven’t even sent a birthday card. I know that with the domestic violence police report against you, you will never be their primary guardian again. He is sad. He misses you.
A little back story would help, I suppose. For a while now, and especially since his birthday, Dave has been having behavioral issues. He is mean to his sister, rude to adults and fails to obey in school quite a bit. His therapist says that it is his way of coping. His acting up and acting out is his defiance to the way life has turned out. He is no longer the favorite, he is no longer lavished with attention and allowed to do as he pleases. This does not mean that he is being ignored, or that his sister is treated as a favorite. It means that he actually has a parent that forces him to share attention with his sister. That he is held to a standard that when he fails to meet it, he faces punitive action.
Tonight he finally poured his heart out. He got caught being disrespectful and rude and was instructed to park himself in the corner until he could adjust his attitude. Obviously, this involved a lot of drama and tears from him. When he finally settled down, I called him into the kitchen where I was making dinner, set him on the counter and had a very frank discussion with him. I told him that I wanted to know why he thought it was okay to act this way, what he was mad, upset, or sad about. After some poking and prodding, he broke down into tears and told me that he missed his mother, that he was sad and mad that she hadn’t been there for his birthday. He is a bit perturbed that he hasn’t received anything from her. I can almost agree there. It has been more than two weeks and his mother hasn’t even bothered to send him a birthday card, no matter what her excuses are every time he asks.
Our little boy his hurting. That is plain to see for all that take a look. He is not himself, and a lot has to do with his mother. Honestly, I think she is hopeless at this point. Maybe I am wrong in the way I read her response, but it seems as if she has delusions that she will get them back. Her own actions will prevent that. Shall we make a list?
- She has not visited with our children since the week of Oct 17th, 2o12, the week of our failed custody trial.
- I have attempted to entreat her to schedule a visitation hearing on numerous occasions so that at the very least, our children would get to see there mother. As of this date, no such hearing has been scheduled.
- As of Nov 30, 2012, she was ordered to pay a child support in the amount of $189.00 a month. Want to guess how many child support checks have been received? A whopping total of 1. And it was sent by the state of North Carolina. Any from their mother? Nope. None. Nada. Zilch.
There are several more reasons, but honestly, I’m just not going to go into them right now. I just want to relax, wait until Archer comes on and then go to bed. I will be perfectly happy when the divorce is finalized (hopefully sometime in the very near future) and we have a date for the custody trial. Whatever she has cooked up is going to be a massive failure. Did I mention I have that pain in the ass police report where she was cited for domestic violence and harassment of the guy she left me for? The irony is simply amazing.
Anyway, my dear reader, digital journal, silent confidante, I am going to go for now. I am on the verge of just wanting to crawl in bed and pass out for the night. Some nights are more challenging than others. Tomorrow is another day and we will survive it together. Good night, God bless.
It has been a while since I have really had anything to say here on the Ramblings of a Mad Man. I have been rather busy being a full-time single father and paratrooper. To be honest, I love it. My kids are so very loving, intelligent, fun and just plain awesome. Their babysitter is a huge help and an awesome friend. The only minuses in my life at the moment are the facts that I hate my current job and my future ex-wife is still a psycho. I guess we all have to deal with challenges in life.
The last week has been filled with work and hanging out with the kids. Our day during the week normally starts around 0430 EST. I get up, get dressed, pack the kids’ bag for the day, get them out of bed and take them to the sitter’s house. After that, work dictates my schedule until about 1630 EST, when I leave to go pick the kids up and head home with them. Depending on the weather, we may hit the pool for a little while and then I cook dinner. After dinner, we play, watch a movie or read a story together and then it is bed time. We say our prayers, go to sleep and do it all over again in the morning. I am working on moving to a non-deployable unit so that my schedule isn’t so packed. I want to be home with them more and I want to be in a more stable position for them.
Right now, Rose is taking a nap, Dave and I are watching Beethoven. Dave likes the movie so far. He keeps begging me for a dog lately, but I just can’t see having a dog in an apartment. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Dave also likes to ask me for a cat. Well, I am probably getting mine back from the future ex-psycho on Saturday. We’ll see how that goes. I want to get him back, but my roommate is allergic to cats. I don’t want to put him out. I guess he and I will talk about it later.
Anyway, I really don’t have much to say right now. There are a lot of things I am still working on and I will update you as time goes by. The kids will be spending a week with their mother starting on Saturday. I don’t like it, but it was part of the agreement to get rid of the damned restraining order and for her to drop her contest of the enforcement of the custody order in Alabama. Don’t worry, everything will be in writing and signed by a judge. If she fails to return them, she loses and goes to jail.
I want to know why as soon as my daughter gets upset and starts crying, she starts apologizing saying that it is all her fault. What the FUCK has my future ex-wife been saying to her? This isn’t something a 7 year old comes up with on her own, it is a learned behavior. Some days, I would very much like to have a discussion with her mother and find out just what the hell she has been doing. And then I would like to have her tossed into shark infested waters. I am not very pleased with her.
She has taken to calling about three times a day. Leaving the loveliest messages. 😐 Sarcasm. Hope you sensed that. Her latest said, “Once again, I have called to talk to MY children, and once again you will not let me.” Well, perhaps I should apologize for protecting myself from her liar’s nature. She has already filed one false police report claiming I violated her protective order, which I hadn’t even been served with yet. So, sue me for protecting my children and my own ass by not answering the phone for a child abusing, lying, manipulative, thieving, kidnapping skank that I want nothing to do with. As soon as there is an order in place saying that she has a right to contact them, or she drops her bullshit restraining order, the kids would love to talk to her.
I was on the phone with a close friend earlier, heading home with the kids in the car, when Dave just says out of no where, “Daddy, I love you, but I don’t like Mommy.” I told him that wasn’t very nice, she is his mother and loves him very much. He didn’t say anything for a minute and then just said, “I don’t want to stay with Mommy, I want to stay with you.” I have my earbud in, since the state of NC is a hands free state, and my friend asked me if he really said what she thought he did. I was a little shocked and told her yes, he had really just said that.
Anyway, I picked the kids up from their sitter’s house at about 1030 hrs EST. I had to reschedule their doc’s appts last week on account of being stuck in court. They were back to back with the same doc. They were well behaved and I didn’t have any problems out of them what so ever. They both were very polite and courteous to both the nurse and the doctor. I had the doctor put in a referral for Rose to get seen at Duke Children’s by the Hematology/Oncology department. I don’t know when the last time she was seen for her maintenance phase of her leukemia protocol, so I figured it would be best that we get in there as soon as possible. The doc was very obliging in my wish there.
After their physicals, we went to the referrals office and got Rose’s referral pushed through to the insurance. Then we walked across the clinic to Immunizations. Let me tell you, my kids know EXACTLY what goes on there. They both burst into tears and started begging me to not make them get shots. I had them sit down and walked over to the counter to ask for copies of their shot records from the nurse. She called me back to the computer, and I started to bring the kids with me, but they just turned up the volume on their terror. Poor things. The nurse suggested I leave them sitting in the chairs while she talked to me about their records. I was about 30 feet away from them and making faces at them the whole time she talked to me. The nurse probably thought I was crazy. Well, nothing to argue about there. Lol. Dave was up to date, but of course Rose having had an immunodeficiency causing cancer, she is way behind on shots for her age. I told the nurse I would discuss it with the docs at Duke when we get up there and if she is capable of getting anymore vaccines, I will have them give it to her there.
As we were leaving the clinic, I got a panicked message from my supervisor about a tasking that he deemed to be of great importance and priority. Personally, I think it could have waited until I had taken my children to lunch. We ended up heading back to my office and the kids sat taking turns playing Angry Birds on my iPhone while I typed up a tasking memo. Silly people. My supervisor is a nice guy, and he will give me what time I need to handle my personal affairs, but he does not multitask or delegate authority well. Give him one task and the time to do it and he will very well. The problem with our job is, it is never going to be just one task and most of the time, we are playing react to contact with new things flying in from the good idea fairies.
Anyway, the kids and I had a great weekend. On Saturday, we went to a place called Monkey Joe’s here in Fayetteville. It is a big, indoor playground that is filled with inflatable slides and bouncy houses. Kat, the kids’ sitter and my friend, joined us with her son. All three kids had a great time running around and bouncing. After that, Rose, Dave and I headed for home to enjoy some quality time in the pool. That has to be their favorite thing about our apartment.
Once we were done with the pool, they took an hour nap and then we headed out to a cook out that we were invited to. The kids enjoyed just being kids. Running around the yard playing. I love to watch them have fun and most of the time will join in with them. I have missed out on so much time with them that I am trying to at least make up for it in some way. We got home around 2100 hrs EST. I was feeling the day and I know the kids were too. No sooner had they gotten baths and into their PJs, they were ready for prayers and night night kisses. They were out within 20 minutes of being home. I’ll admit, I was out within 25 minutes. They are good at wearing out daddy too.
Sunday we went to church. I am trying out a new way of doing the A-Team to make sure that I am close to the kids at all times. I started out doing usher duty in the sanctuary. That way I could stand near the kids and still pitch in with ushering people to seats, passing out the elements of communion and offering. I still cannot bring myself to take communion or make an offering. It is written, but I’ll paraphrase, that of you hold a grudge against someone, you should leave your offering on the altar and go make amends. That way you can make your offering with a pure heart. Dear reader, I just can’t forgive her for the things she has done yet. I don’t know when I will be able to. Hopefully someday soon.
Since it was the first Sunday of the month, we will normally do things like dedicating children and praying in or out military families. I felt it was important to rededicate the kids back to God and let Him guide me in their raising. One of the elders, and a good friend, started the prayer. He knows the whole situation and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Thank You Father for allowing Chris to be able to stand up here with his children.” Just writing that brought tears to my eyes. My friend knows the hell I have been through in fighting for them and their safety. It was a rather poignant moment, to say the least.
Anyway, dear reader, it is a quarter till midnight. I am feeling the day. I am worn out and have to get up at 0430 EST to get the kids to their sitter’s house and get myself to work. Tomorrow should be another fun filled day in 1 Panther. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on that tomorrow.
Good night, God bless. I hope we all find peace in the morning.